In the Throws

So today was a rough day for me. I'm not going to totally blame my kids- I mean I was the dummy that stayed up late like a single/childless college student. That being said, some days I am reminded more than ever how hard this season of life is and in NEED of reminding that it really is just a season. More than anything though, when I feel as defeated as I did today, I wonder if I'm doing this parenting thing all wrong. Is my loss of patience going to steer my children away from their savior? Am I doing more damage than good? 

BUT...

When I really sit and consider how loving, steadfast, sovereign and gracious my Heavenly Father is, I realize that he works all things together for good to those that love him and are called according to His purpose. He put my family together just as it is, for my sanctification and HIS glory. He loves my kids more than I ever will and is knitting them together for His purposes. For His glory. For their good.

So tomorrow? 

Tomorrow I receive as a new day. 

New opportunities. 

New mercies. 

New reasons to rejoice in Him. 

New day to rebuke the lies and receive the Truth. 

Some days weeks are hard. I don't know exactly why. They.just.are. May the Lord give me the wisdom and discernment to seek out my children's hearts and point them to their Savior. 

Help me Lord to know you more. Help me to lean not on my own understanding. Fill me to overflowing so that what pours out is not leftover, cold coffee but rather, splashes of fresh brewed Starbucks that never runs out. 

I'm know I'm not alone in this & I have some of the most supportive friends and a husband that is super understanding & always has my back but it is easy as a SAHM to feel secluded and lonely which becomes extremely overwhelming on the rough days. 

Praise God that when I am weak, He is made strong. 

Are You a Bully?

He loves us. Oh how He loves us.

So why can't we love one another? The world & let's face it, equally as much the christian community, is swarming with selfish, manipulative, unloving girls/women. We backstab. We gossip. We hold grudges. We place blame. We are more concerned with ourselves than loving like Jesus loves. We bully and push to get what we want. 

October is anti-bullying month. While I've never been a victim of extreme bullying, I have experienced it and I've also seen the catastrophic repercussions from it in people close to me. My heart aches for people at the hands of a bully. It truly aches. So I've been going over and over and over in my heart about how to broach this topic here on my blog. Today, I just decided to start writing... seeing where it would lead. And I realized, I have often thought of bullying as an issue at school and is largely reported as a "teen to teen issue" but it is so much  bigger (and worse) than that. Bullies are everywhere. At school. At work. The grocery. The television. Facebook. The church. They are teachers, parents, preachers, reporters, strangers, friends. They are relentless; they will tear down until there is nothing left and then stomp on it. 

Bullying? In church? Call me crazy but I'm pretty sure even Jesus had to battle bullies and he didn't do it by walking on eggshells. In the Bible, they are called Pharisees. They walked around high & mighty making marks against anyone breaking The Law and the more people brought down, the better. They were very intelligent men but sadly deceived. They were fulfilled by crossing all their t's and dotting every i. Unfortunately, they missed the entire point.

So what then? As a believer, what does this mean? How do I battle bullying? How do I battle being a bully? As I've been in the word the past couple of weeks, I have continuously come back to our calling. Paul tells us to love one another. Love like Jesus, Jesus who loved us death. To death. Wow. When I look at my life I can honestly say without a doubt, much of the time, I don't love like that. But I can try. If His spirit is in me, it is my calling.

How do I do that? How do I love like Jesus? I mean, I can't literally die for everyone. Philippians 2 says to count others more significant than yourself. It brings the Father glory when we humble ourselves and love one another. I can't die for the world (Jesus did that) but I can die to me to the glory of the Father. Only when my spirit is filled with Him, am I able to pour out anything good. Apart from HIM I am nothing but as I come to know Jesus, I am filled with love and love pours out. And it doesn't even feel like humbling. It is natural. Passionate. And I don't condemn. I don't judge. I don't force law. It isn't manipulative. I love and it reveals the gospel. It reveals what He is all about... GRACE! 

Think about how many people walk around wounded, feeling forgotten and lonely, seeing no purpose in trying. Suicide may be selfish but so are those that ignore the damage that can be done by simple & selfish actions and words. Cutting, starving and abusing one's body may seem ridiculous, crazy or just plain stupid. Believe that these type of responses come from a place of desperation and need. A need for love and affection.  Ignoring the problem won't make it go away. Responding to your heavenly calling just might save a life.

This is a quote from my devotional today,

"For the love of the One who loved us all the way to earth, all the way to the cross, for His sake- let's love one another today."

-#shereadstruth

There is so much more that could be said regarding this devastating issue but for now I will end with this...

STOP IT. Stop the judging and grudging. And for goodness sake, don't ignore it. If you see this happening to someone near you, call it out. Be a loving, kind support & point to Jesus. 

Wordless{NOT} Wednesday

I whipped this up after my devotional the other day. It is based on (obviously, if you can read), Ephesians 3:20. 

"Now unto Him who is able to far more abundantly than all that we can ask or think,"

That "him" is referring to God. In all his infinite power. The same power that raised Christ from the dead. The God from who everything on Earth is named. 

Now. Unto. HIM.

So unto him, what?

Glory, glory, glory! Forever and ever and ever!

The past few weeks have given me so much to praise Him for. There have been struggles, sure. I have been tired and drained and exhausted. I've seen heartbreak and failures. But through it all, one thing remains truer than true...

He is able to do far more abundantly than ALL I could ask or think. He is faithful & steadfast. He never leaves me nor forsakes me. He is available and deserves all the glory I could give. My heart could burst with joy because of the individual care and love He has for me.

Headlong

Monday I began a fitness challenge/competition through Crossfit Nation. Initially, I wasn't sure how this would work out but I was ready to try. No grains, no corn, no SUGAR!, no any of the crap I've been shoving into my body for years. Not only are the food restrictions intense but it also includes some serious working out. If you know me, you know I haven't been much of a worker-outer. Certainly never considered myself an athlete. Actually, my sister said this summer at the beach was the first time she'd seen me run since adulthood. (sad, I know.) Needless to say, this is definitely going to challenge me. But with wide open arms, I was ready to jump in. Head first. No looking back. 

Today? Today I woke up wishing that was not my alarm going off... already. and again. Today I forced myself out of my comfy bed to face my 5am punishment WOD. Today, I experienced emotions, feelings, stuff I have never felt before. This is going to seem dramatic but the only thing I can equate it with is giving birth. Namely the labor part. Except, I think I'm better at childbirth. Going into this particular work out, I wasn't expecting it to make me feel so defeated by round 2 of 5. 

My brain was saying, 

"There is no way you'll ever get through this." 

"Everyone is so much stronger than you." 

"What in the WORLD are you doing???" 

As my brain tried to convince me of its inconvenient lies, I pushed. Hard. I wanted to stop but I couldn't. I was angry. I was hurting. I was HOT. I was motivated. The thing about Crossfit Nation is that it is a community. They pick you up when you feel like walking away. They don't let you quit. It was beyond hard but I didn't quit. Never, never, never have felt like that before. 

When I finished that final rep, I sat down hoping no one would talk to me & expect an answer because I reeeeaaallly didn't want to cry. Not in front of these people. I had already done so much. Just let me get to my van. Of course, it couldn't be avoided. Again, if you know me, you know I wear my emotions all over my face. I can't hide it. I don't know what my face looked like but it was apparent I went somewhere I'd never gone before.

As soon as I sat and tried to catch my breath, to pull myself together, a warm tingle flooded my entire body inside. It was good but my emotions were maxed out. As soon as someone asked me how I was doing, the tears could no longer be held in. I just sat there with tears streaming down and trying to figure out what in the world was going on inside. It was weird & painful & good.

It still all seems a bit dramatic. I mean, it's not like it is the Olympics or even that I finished any better than last but I finished. Isn't that's what it's about? Finishing? Improving? Surpassing your expectations? So here I go... heading into Day 5 and feeling good. I'm sore and tired but I'm pushing through. 

Arms wide open.

As a side note- I wasn't necessarily planning to share about this Lurong Living Paleo Challenge- I'm not even sure why. Mostly because of fear probably. After today, I knew I had to write. For myself. I had to get it out. So if you are contemplating diving in head first or wrapping your arms around something big... something hard...

Run headlong!

DO IT! GO FOR IT! YOU GOT THIS!

overflowing with favor

Thankful Thursday? I've got an easy peasy one for ya.

GOD LOVES HIS CHILDREN.

I really could say nothing more & that would be enough. Really & truly. However, I will say a little more...

Not only did I get to watch this happen yesterday...

...but I also gave into demands for butterfly kisses...

... And really I get to watch this happen pretty much everyday...

But then...

God knocked the socks off of my family this week. And let's be real, we're not even wearing socks this time of year so that's pretty dang amazin'! We are truly feeling loved & cared about not only by the Lord & his gracious, humbling provision but also by our church family. (cue floodgates)

Sometimes God chooses to totally bless you when you feel the most undeserving. When you've decided to settle with "it is what it is." He is SO much bigger than that. So much more than whatever "it" is. I know that. This week, He thought He'd settle that in my heart a bit more. 

Grace. I am so incredibly undeserving but his love & favor just continue to be poured out. It is a beautiful thing to be confident in Him. Completely unmerited but completely accepted. I am blown away once again by the love of our Lord & savior. Really my words aren't even coming out in anyway close to what I am feeling inside.

Family- you have blessed us.  

So much my heart could burst. 

These lyrics are sitting heavy with me tonight because of all His goodness. They are from a song by Austin Stone, Praise to the Lord.

And I'll walk with you

Through the fire and the rain

You'll carry me

When my hope seems undone

Praise to the Lord, oh my soul

Praise to the Lord, for all that you are

You are the hope of my soul

Praise to the Lord, for all that you are

I'm broken

Yet perfectly sewn

Your story

A masterful tone

He never lets go. He is perfect in every way and sees our every need. He is never unprepared or late or in a hurry. He isn't confined or worried. He is God. He is powerful. And He is alive.

graceFULL

Lately, I've been in a bit of a funk. Grouchy. Moody. A true punishment for my husband. When I read in proverbs about the quarreling wife, I can't help but think- my poor husband must wish he lived in the corner of a rooftop- he'd be better off there. Or at least less wounded. This was my thought yesterday when I read Proverbs 26.

Then, I was reminded of grace. Oh glorious grace. How you bless me. How you save me. It picks me up off the floor of self-pity, guilt and condemnation and reminds how much Jesus loves me! I prayed a prayer of repentance. I prayed for his spirit to work in my heart and make me gentle. kind. loving. patient. Seriously, He has blessed me with an amazing man and I cannot imagine my life without him.

And that fills me.
With grace.
I may not be very graceful.
But definitely
graceFULL.

Photo credit: In His Grace Photography

We're in this together <3

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This post was brought to you courtesy of Five Minute Friday. A link up that only requires five minutes of your writing time and spits out an unedited, raw post. So set your timer and get writing. This was my first attempt. You probably can tell but it was fun and I look forward to joining in again next week :)

gracious goodness

You guys, can I just say... this season of my life is so wonderful. Not much about our circumstances have changed (which, it's not like they were bad to begin with) but there is a lot stirring in my heart right now. I feel the Lord nudging me toward some change- not sure what it exactly will look like but I feel the movement.

Today was Day 1 of some intense working out- thank you, Crossfit! I'm not sure I'll be able to get out of bed tomorrow but we'll just pray for the Lord to massage my muscles & help them recover quickly :) Regardless, I'll be going back on Friday for Day 2. 

I'm excited to say, Day 2 will be followed by a week off because the kids & I will be road trippin it with my friend. Again- THANK YOU, FRIEND!!!  We're heading off to KY so we can enjoy the 4th of July with lots of family!!! YAY family! I am super excited! It is actually a testimony of God's goodness & provision that we are even able to make the trip, I am so thankful :)

Also- sidenote- if you are in the Lexington area next week and would like some photos taken, I've got a little thing going so email me, call me, tweet me, whatevs, and we'll see if we can work it out :)

Truly, this season of my life is becoming filled with so many evidences of His love & grace. He is faithful even when I am unfaithful. He kind and gracious even when I am rotten & selfish. He is so, so good and thank goodness, he is patient!

Currently, I am praying to truly begin to walk in the power that is given to me- the same power that raised Jesus from the grave. This is good, y'all. Real good.

Does it get better than THIS?

(fyi: top R- Lilly/bottom L- Ava)

ps- Check out my friend Amanda's blog, Rambo's Rampages- her little guy, Rambo is sick in the hospital & I know she'd love to have some comment love & especially prayers. They have been home for a total of like 7.5 days since May 22nd... Little Rambo is on his 3rd hospital stay in the past month & this one could be an extended stay... SUCH a stress on this family. Let's pray for the Lord to bring healing to his body & get him (and mama) home quickly!!!

Life Giving

How often do we look around and the junk begins to overwhelm?

You feel it happening. 

It creeps up like a weed; starting small and growing until you begin to suffocate. 

Sometimes it's big stuff but more often, it's all the little things. 

And enter: grumbling. 

Out come the toxic thoughts that have  been stirring- filling your heart & mind.

Who receives the blunt of it? 

Of course- those that matter most.

 The husband. The son. The daughters. 

The ones you cherish. 

The ones you love so much your heart could burst.

The 'Old' self showing up to bring destruction.

So what are you going to do about it?

How are you going to put out the old?

Jesus makes me new.

So how are you going to embrace the New?

Thank you Jesus for the truth of your word...

A kingdom divided against itself is laid waste & no city or house divided against itself will stand.

(Matthew 12:25 ESV)

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

(Ephesians 4:29 ESV) 

Speak TRUTH in LOVE.

Be willing & open to speak life.

Recognize & speak to the 

EVIDENCES OF GRACE

in people's lives as you see them.

Some life-giving words for my family...

Dear Husband,

I love you. I know I do not always show it in the right ways but I do. You are a good man. You bless me, daily. You have a servant's heart and I learn so much from you. You have gift of loving people. This week, today, I want to thank you. Thank you for washing the dishes and cleaning kitchen. Thank you for putting dinner away. Those are small things but sometimes it is the small stuff that says the most. Thank you for getting up every morning & going to work. You are such a hard worker and are doing your best to provide for our family. My desire is to honor & respect you. You are a living example of a good man for our son. Your love for your daughters will spur them to never settle for anything less than a man that cherishes them like their Daddy. Thank you for doing your best as you lead our family. I love you always. Really. Really.

Dear Malakai,

Mommy loves you more than you know. I am so proud of the sweet boy you are developing into. It brings my heart joy to see your smiles & your precious belly laughs. Today we left the playground and you didn't complain. Most of the time, I can count on you to do not complain when I say it is time to go. That makes me so proud. Watching you love on you little sisters could just make me burst! It is such a wonderful thing to hear you sing to them & express your love to them. They absolutely adore you. I hope we always do a good job of pointing you to Jesus & telling you how much you are loved. Your love for people is such a wonderful gift & I hope you hold on to that. It makes me smile to see you talk to everyone as if you'd always known them. God is going to use you in BIG ways, Little Man. Can't wait to see it all unfold.

Dear Ava,
I love you dearly. The Lord knew what he was doing when he brought your sweet little life into mine. You are so smart! I just love how intuitive you are and how you already show signs of being a "little mama." I can see gifts beginning to develop. Thank you for always giving the sweetest lovies to your brobro & sister. I pray for the Lord to give me wisdom as I have the beautiful opportunity of training up two beautiful girls. May the Lord turn your little heart toward his. May you receive all that He has for you. I love you, baby girl.


Dear Lillian,
I love you, sweet baby. You are so precious! It is amazing to see you grow and learn new things daily. You are always listening & absorbing like a sponge. It is evident that you have an adventurous spirit in you. I look forward to seeing how the Lord develops that in you. I love how you have such a special relationship with your sister. You know what you want & will work hard to get it. God is going to use you in some big ways, girl! I pray that I can help steer you always toward Jesus and his will for your life. Your laugh, humor & affection are beautiful love letters from Jesus every day. Thank you for being such a blessing to my life. I love you, Lilly girl.


These little love notes are hopefully just the beginning of training my heart to recognize all the beautiful evidences of grace in the lives closest to me. The Lord is working in my heart to speak words of life to those around me. It is so easy to allow the complaints & negative junk around me flow from my mouth rather than putting them to death. Thank you, Jesus that your truth equals life, freedom, peace & joy!