Inadequate

Inadequate.

Far too often that is what I feel. Inadequate as a wife, a mama, a friend. Inadequate as a christian. Inadequate as a photographer. Inadequate as a blogger. Inadequate.

Sometimes I fear I will fail at everything I put my hand to. Sometimes I think it would be better to never even try. At least then I wouldn't be able to let anyone down- namely myself. Often, my mind comes up with good, creative ideas and I never voice it. No one can reject an idea they never hear. I can't fail at it if I never go for it.

As I laid in bed last night (waaay too late, thanks Amanda :)), the enemy was hard at work. Have you ever realized that the enemy can count on us to be our own worst enemy? Often times he doesn't have to do anything at all before we have already defeated ourselves.

The Holy Spirit revealed that to me last night. It isn't the first time I've thought about it. I KNOW it. He is the opposite of God- the hater of my soul. Too often, I let him win. I let my flesh win. I listen to the lies.

Not today. I'm not letting him win. The reality, the truth is this, Jesus loves me. The Holy Spirit is with me. He has gone before me. I have nothing to fear because Jesus is good and would not lead me into a trap. Jesus is a winner and I am his. He never fails. I'm not listening to the lies today.

Yesterday I had a choice. I already went 2 days without taking any photos of strangers and I could see disappointment in the very near future. And I was kicking myself for even mentioning it. Why? Why did I have to put it out there. Now, not only would I be failing myself but I'd be showing the world what a stinking jerk I am. 

14.

These are the thoughts that were flooding me. These are the lies. The enemy wanted me to give up.

But the Holy Spirit is with me. He has called me. Called me as a wife, mama and friend. Called me as a christian, photographer and blogger. I am called.

gages

This is what HE tells me about those who are called:

Ephesians 2:10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

"Ninja" 

He prepares, I walk. That is truth. 

He has equipped me to do anything He calls me to do. 

When I walk in Him and rest in Him and I find peace. 

With Him, I am adequate.

So yesterday, I took my camera with me to the park. I met 4 people. Photographed 3 people. 3 strangers. It was a start. My insides were shaking but I took photos. I'm so glad I did. I can't promise it will be easier next time but at least the ice is broken :) 

Wish Me Luck!

So today I begin my journey for the month of November.

Some time in October, my sister asked me if I would join her in an attempt to post every day for the entire month of November. Reluctantly, I agreed (knowing it would be such an awesome accomplishment if I actually managed to do it). The event, "NaBloPoMo" is hosted by Blogher. November is a GREAT month to start because they actually enter you to win some cool prizes if you manage to stay committed and post everyday :)

So here I am on Day 1.

My first post of the month.

YAY!

 One day down, 29 more to go :)

This opportunity has me super excited and reeeeally hoping to get my photography/stranger meeting project underway this month (which I wrote about here) :) It will be so neat to see how God uses this to grow me in many areas of my life... relationships, writing, photography, creativity... the list could go on :)

Wish me luck... or better yet, lift up lots of prayers and enjoy!


**feel free to leave me lots of encouraging comments to keep me motivated this month**

New Eyes.

Through various clicks around the blog world, thanks to IROCKSOWHAT, I came across a photographer's blog (Constantly Evolving) who did a personal photography challenge: 31 Strangers in 31 Days. As I have read through a good portion of the photos, I was reminded of the sermon I heard at church this morning. My pastor talked about how we tend to make assumptions about people and don't stop to really consider their story. We really don't stop to think about anything except the fleeting thoughts of judgement that flow in and out of our minds in the split seconds we pass them.

Each person that Caroline approached was a new face, a new story, a new experience. Throughout her journey she met some pretty neat people and learned a lot of new things- not just about these strangers but also about herself. As I read through each post, I could feel the Holy Spirit stirring something up. Every face, every stranger was more inspiration to begin to look at people with new eyes. To look past my judgements and assumptions and seek see strangers the way that Jesus sees them. Not as strangers but as people.

People who have a story.

People who seek love.

People who need a Savior.

I was praying on the way back from my sisters house tonight asking God to open my eyes. To help me see people through his lens. (This was before seeing that blog) I prayed. He answered. I came home, jumped on the computer and was unexpectedly inspired, filled up and feeling the urge to DO something. 

Now? I am praying for boldness. The urge I am feeling is to challenge myself similarly to Caroline except with the goal to not just come away with awesome portraits but to meet people. To really meet people. To listen. To learn. To look past the outside and hear their story. To not act based on what my eyes are telling me about that person but to look through a different lens. A lens that seeks to see more than just skin deep.

I'm not sure when I'll start... Maybe Tuesday since I have already committed with my sister to do a blog challenge to post everyday for an entire month... starting Tuesday... funny how God always goes before us and lays out path our right in front of us ;) This should be gooooood. HA! 

Join me if you feel so inclined. 

Or not.

But certainly hang around to see how this turns out because it could get interesting... :)