Wordless-ish Wednesday

In September, the kids & I began meeting with a couple other moms/kids for a preschool co-op of sorts. Working on letters, learning to sit and a craft or two. We also decided that once a month we would do a field trip. First up was the firehouse! YAY! Malakai loves it so much and it a never ending source of questions. Seriously, every time he goes, you would think he'd never been before. SO funny!

I managed to capture a few photos of Jerry actually in a truck but unfortunately, the little guy avoided the trucks completely after one of the other 2 boys pushed the horn. In his defense, it scared all of us and Lilly cried. The few that I do have, were when he still (albeit reluctantly) believed us that NO ONE WILL BLOW THE HORN! Sorry, Jerry, we should have known... <3

Folks, I'd like you to meet Will Fireman Ray. He takes his job very seriously :)

photo #1

10 points if you can tell which one is Ava & which one is Lilly in these 2 photos :) 

Photo #2

Ava thought she was big stuff pushing Clara around in the stroller :)

Pushing the adults out of the way,

"I got it! I got it!"

Safety first, of course, as Malakai HAD to buckle his seatbelt! :)

He was proud to be squirting the water from this cool gadget!

These two boys are seriously 2 peas in pod. It's crazy!

A BIG HUGE

THANK YOU 

to Fireman Gordo & 

the Oxford Volunteer Fire Department! 

The kids had such a blast!!!!

Big Girl Shoes.

Writing can be a mask. It allows me to hide behind my words. There is no obvious tone or rather, I can create whatever tone I desire. The reader is only exposed to what I choose to put down. Letters in black & white. All the frustrations of the day, fear in my circumstances, joy in my salvation is only revealed to the degree in which I choose. I can be harsh or kind and there is a sense of confidence because you can't see me. My life could be a wreck. I could be a wreck and I could hide behind my words. Appearing to have on my big girl shoes.

Now, if you call me on the phone, you might be able to obtain a better sense of my actual state. Really though, I can mask that with choice words & pull out the fake "happy voice". I mean tell me if you haven't experienced your mom laying into you only to be interrupted by the phone ringing. It's a miracle how she goes from screaming crazy lady to the pleasant christian with, "HI! :D How are you? Busy? Nope, not doing a thing." How she didn't have a stroke from her brain switching gears so quickly still baffles me. :) These days, I am capable of being that mom. I have been that mom. Do I want to be? Super easy to hide behind the lines of a telephone or the strokes of a key board even though my big girl shoes are obviously too big.

So what happens when Sunday morning rolls around, seems like the morning couldn't get any worse & then it does? What happens when shoes can't be found, KEYS can't be found? Kids aren't listening. I buckle a girl into her seat only to realize she pooped in her diaper on the way to the van!? BAAAH! Frustration has hit the ceiling. I walk into church, slap on a smile & hope no one notices what I'm trying to bury under the surface. It takes about a half a second for someone to ask,"Are you okay?" And I am undone. Wishing I was in a bed with blankets covering my head. How did they know? The smile didn't work. They don't really want to know how I am.

Over the years, I have learned something about myself- I cannot hide my heart. At least not face to face.  Especially if I am struggling or annoyed/irritated. To be completely honest, it is NOT intentional that I wear my heart on my sleeve or rather, ALL OVER MY FACE! At moments, I wish I could hide it. Sometimes, I just need a moment to work it out in my head but my face shows the yucky tha t is in my heart-even if just for a moment. That can be really embarrassing. Attempting to run away without making it totally obvious & tripping in my big girl shoes.

As I've grown and learned this about myself, really and truly, I appreciate this feature that God created in me. It forces me to face my issues rather than bury them. Even if I want to ignore it, my face doesn't lie. It tries. It fails. I can't backspace it. I can't white it out. My face is constantly exposed. Vulnerable to the condition of my heart. It doesn't mean I haven't lied and said I was fine when I wasn't. It doesn't mean the person didn't walk away satisfied with that answer. But I know. I know they saw it in my face. They saw my heart. Even if for just a moment.

Jesus says:

So what can I take away from this? What does this mean for me? This truth forces me to look inside and ask myself what it is that I value. Where does my treasure lie? Far too often my treasure is found in convenience. It is found in what I wish I had. It is found in things other than loving Jesus & bringing him glory.

It means, I seek after Jesus more every day. Ask him to make me gentle and kind. Seek him to know him. So that my heart will produce good and not evil. So that my face would show is glory and not my funk. And when things should arise, as they do in this flesh, I keep accounts short and don't attempt to hide in my pride as if I'm better than I am.

Desiring to be 

just.like.Him. 

Knowing when I fall

He will pick me up.

Trusting Him to help me 

fill my big girl shoes.

A little push

Instead of continuing to wish I was writing more, I decided to do something. I joined up with NaBloPoMo again. In other words, the goal is to post something on this here blog every day for a month. November is actually the official National Blog Post Month so maybe I'll join up again then as well. We'll see :) 

For today, I will just say, things have seemed busier than usual but I am enjoying this season with my kids. It doesn't leave a lot of time for cleaning and organizing much less writing. On Sunday, our pastor talked about community being hard on the schedule but not having it is hard on the soul. SO true. We make time for what is important to us. Lately, my schedule is more full... I making time for the important things- Taking 3 little monkeys to the library every week and then making time to read the books to them during the week. Sitting on the floor to roll around and play with those little cuties. Building lego ponds, boats, trucks, houses...etc. Singing. Dancing. Laughing. Park days and play dates.  On top of that stuff is caring for my husband & making time to encourage & be encouraged by other believers. Yeah, its busy. Yeah, they're needy. Of course some days I am incredibly drained.

sometimes quality time - playing on the floor at Wal-Mart w/ your 3yr old.

People often ask me or comment on "how I do it all". Truth is, some days, I don't. Some days I'm pleased that we all made it through fed & alive. Some days & I would even say, a lot of days, I walk in His peace a little better. Good day or bad day, His grace & love are my source of strength and endurance.

So, my hope is that by His grace, I will be able to share a little more of my heart & home with all of you over the next few weeks. I'm looking forward to making the time for writing and having a little push to keep at this thing.