Yes He Does

So today my girls decided they didn't want to nap. 2 hours of trying and I finally just told them to get up. Whatevs. It happens. But then of course, they WERE tired and they went from one thing to the next... driving me just a bit more towards insanity. Fighting, spilling (aka- intentionally dumping drinks on the floor), screaming, crying, temper-tantruming. You know- normal tired 2 year old stuff. 

And then...

I had a weak moment. 

They broke me with colored bubbles. OhmygoshCrayola. I hate you. My carpet and knees hate you. The grout between my tile hates you. And did I mention- mykneeshateyou. Please take your spill "resistant" bottle & SCREAMIN' GREEN somewhere hot. Also, whoever gave me those- don't ever admit it. I might share them with you. 

::Enter:: Momentary freak out.

As I threw MY threenager tempertantrum... my girls repeatedly told me, "it's OKAY momma!"

I assured them it is definitely "NOT okay"

As I threw out my "not okay's," Malakai pulled out the big gun...

"But Jesus still loves you, Mommy."

Oh man. Kicked in the throat by a 4 year old. 

::deepbreath:: Yes He does.

The Quiet

Quiet.

It means something different to those of us with mobile children. You know what I'm talking about. You're just in the other room attempting to (quickly) accomplish something besides chasing children- all the while, they are running amuck, little screams & laughter filling air. And then. The air becomes still and you start to almost relax as your ears are being given a small reprieve from the constant noise when your brain snaps back and you realize what you're hearing is:

The Quiet.

This quiet is (usually) never good. It is always just a little too quiet. It usually involves artistic walls, removed diapers, torn books, toilet paper strewn all over or maybe even your toilet filled with half a pack of wipes.

And you never wished more for noise than right then.

Five minute Friday.... brought to you on Saturday (as always around here). I'm not sure if I managed to do a single post on a friday last month and have failed so far this month as well. pish posh... it is what it is. We were having good times with good people so I feel no guilt or shame :) And if you need a fun writing exercise in your life, clink on the link and get hooked up! 

In the Throws

So today was a rough day for me. I'm not going to totally blame my kids- I mean I was the dummy that stayed up late like a single/childless college student. That being said, some days I am reminded more than ever how hard this season of life is and in NEED of reminding that it really is just a season. More than anything though, when I feel as defeated as I did today, I wonder if I'm doing this parenting thing all wrong. Is my loss of patience going to steer my children away from their savior? Am I doing more damage than good? 

BUT...

When I really sit and consider how loving, steadfast, sovereign and gracious my Heavenly Father is, I realize that he works all things together for good to those that love him and are called according to His purpose. He put my family together just as it is, for my sanctification and HIS glory. He loves my kids more than I ever will and is knitting them together for His purposes. For His glory. For their good.

So tomorrow? 

Tomorrow I receive as a new day. 

New opportunities. 

New mercies. 

New reasons to rejoice in Him. 

New day to rebuke the lies and receive the Truth. 

Some days weeks are hard. I don't know exactly why. They.just.are. May the Lord give me the wisdom and discernment to seek out my children's hearts and point them to their Savior. 

Help me Lord to know you more. Help me to lean not on my own understanding. Fill me to overflowing so that what pours out is not leftover, cold coffee but rather, splashes of fresh brewed Starbucks that never runs out. 

I'm know I'm not alone in this & I have some of the most supportive friends and a husband that is super understanding & always has my back but it is easy as a SAHM to feel secluded and lonely which becomes extremely overwhelming on the rough days. 

Praise God that when I am weak, He is made strong. 

In Need of a Vent.

Much of the time I try to keep my blog relatively positive... which as of late, hasn't been all that difficult. The Lord has truly blessed my heart so much it could burst! He is so wonderful. Today, I'm letting off a little steam from the past few days...

Sunday night the kids & I returned from our trip to Kentucky... I promise to write about that little adventure very soon! Monday morning was reality check. Apparently, my son left his manners, obedience & overall kindness in Kentucky. It has been terrible! He pretty much is convinced he runs this place & can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants. You guys, I'm about to lose it! When he isn't completely ignoring me, he is making some smart remark or just being mean. I really don't get it. I feel terrible that when Michael calls or texts to see how the kids are, I don't have much good to say. I don't like to have to be super strict and grouchy but man oh man, he's left me no choice. 

For instance, yesterday he literally was jumping off of our entertainment center... and not alone. He had Lilly doing it with him. REALLY, son?! Like when are you EVER aloud to do that??? Yeah, never! 

Or how about the new (to us) easel that Aunt B bought for the kids... he and guess who... yep, LILLY were jumping off the little ledge where markers & chalk should be resting. 

OH! and I looked outside to check on him- he'd been out there all of 2 mins- he was sitting ON TOP OF THE VAN!!! My bp is rising just thinking about it! 

"WHAT are you doing up there???"

(with a big smile) "Ah... I just looove sitting up here."

Of course, the girls are also being a bit crazy- not as crazy but not themselves. They have been whiney, clingy & beginning to really test mama. Some of it I think is just the beginning of natural (almost) 2yr old phases & some of it I think it very much learned from their brother. Yesterday afternoon was filled with just about an hour straight of crying & screaming little girls. Can someone give me some hearing aids just so I can turn them down?! They'd had a good long nap so I don't know what their deals were. Thank you Jesus for "Action Bible Songs." That DVD saved.my.life. (and my ears)!

There are so many more examples some worse than the above mentioned, some not so bad (like the 3rd time I pulled gum off of Ava's paci yesterday) but all of them put together and I'm at my wits end.  I'm tired. I'm worn out. Ready for a vacation of complete solitude. 

This morning I had hoped would be the beginning of better... unfortunately, it was not. Malakai was at his testing ways once again. I'm trying to be consistant and stick to my word which equated him losing privileges to some little army men that he was refusing to clean up. Do you actually want to read what all transpired? Probably not. Basically what it comes down to is that even once 1/2 the army men were gone and everything was picked up, he continued to test me & throw an all out screaming fit. Which of course, sent him to his room with the door closed.... it was draining but I didn't give in. He finally calmed down & has been more pleasant since. 

At the end of the whole charade, I knew I needed to calm my nerves & bring some semblance of peace back to our home so... what did I do? I prayed. I prayed for peace and I prayed for patience. I prayed with him and for him. I prayed for his sisters. I prayed for his mama.

This morning I finished the 2nd round of #shereadstruth all about surrendering to Jesus. The Lord brought to mind the song, I Surrender All and I began to write it out as a statement of faith. I don't completely live those words out in every moment & circumstance but the truth never waivers. My friend said the other day, 

"Sometimes the truth is easier believed than felt."

How true that has been for me these past couple of days. I will continue to believe and speak truth... the feelings don't always have to be there. 

All to Jesus I surrender;

All to him I freely give;

I will ever love & trust him

In his presence daily live.

As his feet I lay my children, my husband, my needs & my feelings. 

Potty Training Twin Files: D-Day Edition

What have I gotten myself into?

Today began Day 1 of potty training twins. Never thought I'd have twins. Certainly never considered potty training 2 kids at the same time. Alas, I have twins and I will be training them at the same time. They are walking, talking and can follow instructions. Both girls receive praise really well so I think they are ready enough to begin.

Prelude:

Ava, on 2 accounts, removed her (pee-pee) diaper during nap & made 1 attempt to remove a poopy diaper during nap. Thankfully, the mess has been minimal but those instances were enough to motivate me to begin this seemingly daunting process.

We already had begun introducing the idea after baths a few weeks ago. Ava showed the most interest and surprised me by the fact that she could actually "make" herself go. She has even pooped on the potty twice. They seemed to respond to the praise much more than Malakai ever did. Lillian really didn't want to sit. She would sit down for about 5 seconds before begging to, "Dit down. Peeese dit down!" Honestly, I was afraid I'd have to potty train them seperately- BOO! I was willing but not thrilled with this idea.

So last night, when I was at Wally World to buy wipes (I swear that place is my 2nd home), I decided to make the leap and purchase a 2nd potty. Turns out, I decided upon a cushion to fit our big potty since we'd just been sitting them up there and holding them so they wouldn't fall in anyway. I realized I may end up having to get a 2nd potty chair for the sake of competition but figured I'd try this first. Lilly likes the little potty better anyway so I thought it might just work out better this way.

Came w/ the hook to hang on the wall!

Our set up... :)

Commence D-DAY:

Woke up feeling much less motivated but pushed through and dressed the girls in little dresses and nakey bottoms. I had planned to just start with Ava today but Lilly came in the bathroom acting very  interested so she joined in the fun.

Started the day out with putting them both on the potty right away- both girls peed!!! YAY! Praise was great. At this point, they got diapers on so I could sit them at the table for breakfast. Following meal time, they were stripped down and plopped on the pot again. SUCCESS! 2 peed in potties. YAY!

At this point, I set a timer for 10 mins and tried to keep an eye on them. Next thing I know, with 1 minute left, Ava comes to announce that she peed on the floor. (At least she let me know) So, I went ahead and took them both potty. Ava, not to my surprise had nothing left to give but Lilly went. Repeated that exact scenario once more and decided the next round to set the timer for 8 minutes. Finally, I seemed to have found their groove.  We proceeded to follow that pattern a couple more rounds and then in was morning nap time.

Nap time was lame as neither of them slept. I had a couple of friends coming over and one has a 16 month old so I decided to forgo the potty training until after they left.

Around 1, they'd already eaten lunch, the little guy was gone and it was working on afternoon nap time. I decided to let both girls sit on the potty before laying them down. Both girls POOPED on the potty!!! YAY! I was so proud.

They are sleeping now, so we'll see what the afternoon holds.

It would seem, a diaperless life is in my not so distant future :) This makes for one very, very happy mama.

Feel free to email me with any tricks or tips you have found useful in your potty training ventures!

Small note, in an effort to get my blog out there, in hopes of encouraging and blessing other mamas, I have joined a network called Top Mommy Blogs. If you wouldn't mind just clicking the link to give me votes and get me closer to the top, I'd really appreciate it. (you can vote once every 24 hours) You don't have to join anything- just click the link :) Thanks so much!

Vulnerable

Not Sure I Should Click Publish

Hearts are a funny thing.

I'm being totally honest when I say, this is more of a struggle for me to publish than my "belly" post so bear with me.

The past couple of posts I've mentioned the 10 Days of Intentional Parenting series featured over on the inspirational blog, Finding Joy- seriously, if you haven't clicked over, do it. Now! (but at least come back and finished reading this post later) Day 2 encourages you to write a letter of encouragement to yourself. I never, ever expected it to be so challenging. I feel like so much of what I've written so far, are just words on paper. I don't necessarily feel them in my heart. At least not yet. If the instructions were to write an encouraging letter to a fellow mom/friend- easy peasy- no bigs and I could believe every word of it.

I realized after draft 392, my letter needed to begin this way,

Dear Sarah,
You are your own worst enemy. You're making the enemy's job too easy. Stop listening to the lies. Stop believing the lies. 

JESUS is the way, the TRUTH and the LIFE! Follow Him. Rest in HIM. He loves you with an everlasting love. Believe that.

Isn't it so true? Too many mornings I wake up tired and discouraged before I even raise my head out of bed. I'm not talking depression but already realizing I am going to have to hand wash cups because the night before I wrote a blog instead of cleaning my kitchen after the children were in bed. "Sarah, you should have taken that time to be productive. Why are you so lazy? Great way to show love to your family."  


Those are not life giving words. Not even a little bit. And those are not the worst.

He creates all things beautiful. You are beautiful in His sight. You are exactly the Momma that Malakai, Ava & Lillian need. You are exactly the wife God intends for Michael. You have purpose. You are a gift. You are loved.

Life. Grace. Gospel truth.

The past couple of years have been full. Sometimes I wonder if I even fully grasp the life we've been living. When people tell me I'm brave or hard working- I honestly don't know what to say. I try to receive it and give God the glory but inside it confuses me. He has carried us through the toughest times and let me tell you, it could have been a lot "worse". Worse doesn't even seem like the right word because I truly feel so blessed.

You are brave. You work very, very hard. And it isn't in vain. Your plate may be full but the weight isn't on your shoulders. Stop trying trying to carry it alone. Rest. Rest in Him for He cares for you. Trust him with everything. 

Slowly but surely the truth is there. His spirit is in me and when I listen I can hear his still small voice.

Home. This is where you struggle the most, Sarah. In your mind you hold a dream... full of expectations... only to realize where you fall short. You desire a safe place. A peaceful haven. You want it to be something your family looks forward to. Those things are not built on cleaning, organizing, or any of the mundane tasks you feel so required to accomplish in order to not be a screw up. The foundation is found in Jesus. He is your peace. Show them Jesus. It is okay to mess up. Practice grace. Practice forgiveness.

 A good friend just recently said this, "Trying to clean a house while raising small children is like shoveling sidewalks while it's still snowing." So when the tornadoes follow you from room to room, breathe them in. Seasons change far too quickly- especially when children are involved so take it all in. Thank Jesus for the hole in your foot from stepping on the army mans. Blink and that plastic toy soldier may suddenly be your little boy.  

Breathe it in like the crisp fall air. 

So this is where I am right now. There are so many other things I could say but I'm going to stop here. Maybe this will bless some one out there. I don't know but I knew I needed to write it. Truly, this time in my life feels like it is flying by but I am loving this season. My family are my favorite people. Most days, I'd be content to spend being together- the 5 of us... doing anything or nothing at all.

This week has brought me so many opportunities... I am thankful for Finding Joy and the intentionality she is bringing to my parenting. Thankful for toes. Thankful for little hands. Thankful for my friends that draw near when my husband is away. Thankful for grace.

"But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in Him for eternal life." 1 Timothy 1:16 (ESV) 

Love,
Me

Benefits

Today was fun.

Usually Thursdays that start out with my husband leaving for a few days do not go great.

Today was good.

Intentionality is key. 

You guys, my son likes to play with me. He loves it. Don't get me wrong, he plays alone quite well. Sometimes he even tells me to, "please leave." Today, he wanted to play. So we did. 

1&2. Hulk. Scares babies. Especially Lilly.

3&4. Kite flying! So fun!

5-8. Playing pretend.

9. Taken a few days ago but a super sweet moment that needed documenting.

He's 3. He says the most ridiculous things. Like sometimes, I can barely handle it. Also, I need to carry a notebook to record all the ridiculousness. We made new friends. Played with old ones. And just plain had a great time. 

One short story:

Tonight, as is the routine, I instructed him to go potty & get a pull-up because it was almost bed time. He went in the bathroom, pottied and returned holding out his empty hands. I reminded him that I told him to get a pull-up. To which he replied, "I did! It's right here! I need you to help me put it on." I laughed as he proceeded to put on the (imaginary) pull-up. I told him that was great but he also needed a real pull-up. He rolled his eyes, took the imaginary pull-up off, huffed and put it on the couch before returning to the bathroom to retrieve a real one. 

Seriously? What am I going to do with this kid?

Anyway, today was a lesson in new beginnings, getting out of a rut & SPRING! Thank you, Jesus, that your mercies are new EVERY morning. 

designed by, me <3

So, are you ready to embrace the camera?

here's the nitty gritty:

1.  take a picture with you and your kids/spouse/family member/friend/whatever.

2.  blog about that picture and include a link to our blog, or grab our button.

3.  link your blog post up on the link tool here (@ the anderson crew).

4.  visit the other embracers...give each other lots of compliments about how good we look with our greasy hair andsweatpants velour jogging suits on.  cause yah, we need a little boost when it's been days since our last shower.

5.  have fun!

A Look at Toes

Hello friends :) I'm forewarning you, this post is unplanned and probably not that well written but it is what it is. Just sayin.

If you jump over to a really precious blog, Finding Joy, you will see she is currently hosting a series called, 10 Days of Intentional Parenting. Today, I decided to join in the fun. The journaling for Day 1 led me to where my thoughts are now. In the 5 things I would like to see change/grow in my mothering I listed:

"Look at their toes." 

Think about how many things change, grow and even disappear in your children- right before your very eyes. It is slow. It creeps up on you. But it happens. Ever so slowly, it happens. Their tiny little faces begin to grow into their seemingly huge eyes. Teeny tiny noses no longer seem teeny tiny. You forget the smallness of their little ears. One day you can just rub their head with a towel after bath and have a perfectly dry head of fuzz and the next, you need conditioner, a comb and time. Their tiny little lips are suddenly forming words- "Momma." "Daddy."  "NO!" Just yesterday- it seems- I was their only source of nourishment. Now it's all cheese sticks and fishies. One day I needed coffee to get up with them, now I need it to keep up with them. All THREE of them. 

Photo credit: In His Grace Photography

Photo credit: In His Grace Photography

And then there's those toes. Those little feet. Thirty little toes that I've kissed, smelled, covered, held. They change too. Boy, do they ever change. I kick myself for never making imprints. I had the stuff- just never made it a priority to get it done. 

Now? 

Now I can't remember the smallness. 

They come from the womb completely unblemished. New. Untouched by this world. No dirt or sweat or scrapes or scratches. Just perfect, lovely, little tiny wrinkled baby feet. 

Photo credit: In His Grace Photography

Photo credit: In His Grace Photography

When I really think about it, I can remember the stretches. Their feet extended as far as they'll go and toes spread apart as if to say, "I'm here! I'm ready to go! And you're never gonna squish me back into that tiny space again!"

Today, all those feet have touched the ground more than once or twice. They've been scratched, stubbed, dirtied. They've grown! My goodness, they have grown! Malakai's are wider- they remind me of my brother Sam's feet. He has short stubby toes. They smell awful. I mean, it is truly terrible. My girls feet look the same as  one another but very different from their brother's. They are long & skinny. And hello? Nail polish on baby toes? Duh! (it's how we told them apart after we brought them home from the hospital) 

You may think I'm strange. You'd be right. 

Regardless, I am a mom that avoids infant shoes at all cost. They are adorable but I like to hold on to that innocence. My girls were born in winter- they wore lots of thick tights & socks. :) Shoes are for walking and they weren't ready for that yet. It seems silly but it's completely the truth. I remember the first week we took them to church after they started walking, I thought, "shoot, I have to find shoes for them to wear." Added a whole 10 minutes onto my routine ;)

As I'm writing this, I don't know if it is even making sense. All I  know is, looking at their (still) small feet and toes is going to be a priority. It represents all the small stuff. Those fleeting moments that are easy to forget. 

Feet tell a story. Innocence lost. Wisdom gained. Memories and miles. All part of life. A glimpse into the past- evidence of life lived. At the start though, they are a promise of a story to tell. Miles yet to be had. 

Not the Potter

First of all, can I just say how humbled I am by the fact that so many people were encouraged by my last post :) Thank you, THANK YOU, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for your kind words and encouragement to me. I even had a friend say she wants to continue the idea and do a similar post on her blog. I'll share the link when/if she does :) And please share you link with me if you are so inspired to write one as well :)

On to other things...

It has been quite some time since I've really done much of an update on the kiddos. I know how much our family loves this stuff so here goes....

shopping saturday

Walking, running, talking, big girl carseats, real kisses. All the newest additions to our busy lives. Currently, it would not be wise to approach the "big park" alone. They all like to play but none in the same place. They hit the ground running... in 3 directions. During waking hours, it would be rare to not see the living room littered with toys. Which in my book, is mostly okay. Don't get me wrong, I'd love if it was possible for them to play with their toys and one another and NOT make a mess but well, it just isn't :) It is a joy to see my3 little miracles playing together. There are moments of insanity, fighting, whining, yelling... but they love one another and I get to watch the makings of bffs :) (at least that's my hope, ha!) Also, Lilly started this one, but Ava soon followed... real kisses. Like lip smacking, mwah kinda kisses. Be still my heart.

Lilly reading :)

Newest vocab in our house... "NO!" Ava's favorite word. They've actually been saying it for a while but just recently has it become the regular. And she means it. With attitude. As does her brother with his ever developing nasty mouth. I would take 2 yr old tantrums ANY DAY OF THE WEEK over the mouth of an [almost] 3 year old.

Lilly's sunglasses :)

On a more positive note, the girls are also saying phrases. Things like, "go bye-bye," "have it," "get down" and even "get out." I love how they can communicate with words. They will pretty much repeat anything you tell them if they're in the mood but they also will tell you what they want/need and that is definitely helpful :)

We certainly have our hands full with daily new parenting challenges but thankfully, we aren't alone.  Blessed are our children that their 2 clueless parents have someone much better than us helping train them up.  I was reminded today that wisdom doesn't just come with age. It doesn't come from knowledge. It doesn't come from reading. Parenting magazines, shows, blogs, guides, books, conferences- even the best of them, aren't even the answer. If it was left up to my research, hands & brain, my kids would be up a creek! While all those things may help, they aren't the source. 

Wisdom comes from the Lord. 

Proverbs 2:6

For the LORD gives wisdom; 

From his mouth come knowledge & understanding.

Job 32:8

But it is the spirit in man,

the breath of the Almighty that makes him understand.

So during this new season of parenting 3under3, I am looking to the source. Praying for the Lord's favor. Praying for His wisdom. Praying for my children to receive the truth. Praying for my husband's leadership. Praying we would be good stewards of these little lives- trusting He has them in His hands.

I'll leave you with this adorable girl giving "lovies" :)

Nope, not ever.

Sharing some thoughts that have been churning...

Dear 17 year old Sarah:

First of all, no matter how many times you say you'd never want twins, you will have twins and they will light up your world and you will be more than fine. Also, you will get your wish: your first born is a boy. As much as you love these little people- and trust me, that's a whole, WHOLE lot- there will be sacrifice. Your priorities will change. Your heart will change. Your body will change. 

Not to worry, this note is one of encouragement. 

As a mama of 3under3, your body will be stretched, worn, cut, pulled, torn, bitten... Your 17 year old self might easily look in the mirror or worse, look down at your 27 year old self in absolute horror of what you see.  In fact, you might wonder how you could ever allow this to happen. Mostly, you would probably wonder (as your husband so sheepishly (& innocently) will ask after your 1st baby), 

"Will it ever go back?" 

Proudly (and with a slight chuckle) I would tell you, 

"Nope, not ever." 

(at least not without surgery)

Consider them battle wounds. Battle wounds are not the kind of scars you hide. They are the kind you show off proudly. They are the ones you want everyone to know the story behind. (unlike the story you'll want never repeated about the car you will purchase and quickly wreck in a couple of years...)  In order to receive them, you endured a long labor, a sea of emotions, months and months of uncomfortable living, surgery & 

very. real. sacrifice. 

Fortunately, sacrifice is not with out reward. You are fulfilling a God given purpose. God created your body to carry those little people. Not only to carry them but to support them, nourish them, grow them. Walk in this body with joy.

PURE JOY.

Much of my words today are being written in faith because pretty much every morning (or at least every shower) I have to remind 27 year old Sarah of these truths. Our world would tell you that to be beautiful, you must be thin and not only thin but seamless. They would tell you not to let your children define you but they go a step further and tell you, in fear, to possibly not even bother with having those children because all they do is cramp your style. Steal your identity. Ruin your life. In faith and truth, I can tell you, those are lies. Don't believe them. 

As a woman, wife & mama:

 You are building something beautiful. 

Your opportunity is unique. 

Your calling is admirable. 

Never, never forget that you are doing a great work and must not come down. Not every moment will feel worth all those scars. Not every moment will even feel worth getting out of bed. Every day, mundane, ins & outs, necessary time. It is the time that builds your moments into days, weeks and years. Many, many moments will leave you questioning your sanity, your parenting skills, your abilities. You will even count down the minutes to bed time for your littles... and that's OKAY! 

In between all those crazy times, you will find these special moments. Snipits of time when you look around at the mess surrounding you and can appreciate what occurred to make the mess. The moments when you contemplate the miracle that each and every one of your babies are. There will be moments when your love for them makes your heart feel as though it may burst. Moments that make all the rest of your time complete.

So I tell you, appreciate who you are right now- at 17. Who you are and what you are doing is building who you will become. God has a plan for your life and it is good. When you are 27 and you look in the mirror, you don't have to look in horror. 

Love the pudge. 

Love the lose skin. 

Love the stretch marks. 

Embrace it even.

 Embracing the pudge.

Embracing my babies that just keep getting bigger.

So, are you ready to embrace the camera?

here's the nitty gritty:

1.  take a picture with you and your kids/spouse/family member/friend/whatever.

2.  blog about that picture and include a link to our blog, or grab our button.

3.  link your blog post up on the link tool here (@ the anderson crew).

4.  visit the other embracers...give each other lots of compliments about how good we look with our greasy hair andsweatpants velour jogging suits on.  cause yah, we need a little boost when it's been days since our last shower.

5.  have fun!

Linking up again w/ Brown Eyed Bell(e) this week :)

Feelling < Inspired

Every time I sit down to write a post, it seems like all the thoughts of inadequacy flood my brain. I become overwhelmed by all the things I'm *not* doing.

It's stupid

and I'm tired of it.

When I look at my life, as a whole, I feel overwhelmingly blessed. Blessed beyond measure. 

This blog is meant to be an outlet for me. It is intended to be a place where I can update family, share my heart and grow as a person. As long as those things are being accomplished, I don't need to worry about what other people "think" of me (or my blog). Opinions are like [butt] holes. Everyone has one and everyone thinks everyone else's stinks.

My grammar won't be perfect. I may not have award winning photography. 

But what I will have are memories. My memories. Our crazy life documented. 

As time marches forward, I hope to become a better writer and photographer. 

I desire to be a good story teller and inspire people through the things God is teaching me. 

For now, this is ME. 

And I'm okay with that. 

Take it or leave it.

To top everything off- my sweet Lilly hit a soft spot. Water works ensued.

 Tears of sweet, sweet Kairos joy.

She kissed my cheek. Not an open-mouth baby kiss. 

An, I-love-you-mama-closed-mouth-mwah! kind of kiss. :)

Kairos.

and I'm eating it up.

Ima Mess. {Embrace the Camera}

Yep. My little monkey just left for a road trip with his Daddy.


5 days.


FIVE DAYS!


Oh boy.


I thought, maybe, I'd feel some freedom. I mean come on, lets be serious, no 2yr old for 5 days... seems like that would be divine. 


All I feel is sad. and lonely.


:(




But I KNOW he's gonna have a TON of FUN! He's going to be on a 10 hr car ride with his Daddy and then spend the next few days with his grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins... etc. And if I'm really real about it, this kid SERIOUSLY loves him some KENTUCKY! I mean like LOVES it. He's never lived there but its in his blood.

Example of a daily conversation we have:

Malakai: "Mommy we go Kentucky?" 

Me: "Not today, hon. Maybe soon." 

Malakai: "NO! Right now!" 

OR an example of what happens every. single. time. he talks to his Nana:

Malakai: "Nana, please may I come your house today?"

Nana: "Next time you come to Kentucky you can come to my house, Malakai."

Malakai, "OK. I come your house today, Nana?"

Nana: "Soon, Malakai. Next time you come you can stay at my house."

He's just too much. And I love him. And I'm gonna miss him. A LOT. I almost chickened out and just went with them. Like standing at the car hugging good-bye was almost too much. 

But here I sit. Missing my little monkey who's only been gone for like 10 mins. 

Can't wait to see him when he gets back!

So, are you ready to embrace the camera?

here's the nitty gritty:

1.  take a picture with you and your kids/spouse/family member/friend/whatever.

2.  blog about that picture and include a link to our blog, or grab our button.

3.  link your blog post up on the link tool here (@ the anderson crew).

4.  visit the other embracers...give each other lots of compliments about how good we look with our greasy hair andsweatpants velour jogging suits on.  cause yah, we need a little boost when it's been days since our last shower.

5.  have fun!

8 minutes 17 seconds

I'm loving this fall season. The weather is beautiful. Pumpkins, changing leaves, crisp mornings and nights... it all makes me so happy for fall. 

As much as I love this weather and season, it is leaving me sort of... sad? I don't know. Every day I am reminded of my daughters' impending 1st birthday and it just makes me kind of sad. I'm loving every minute with them but hating that clock ticking away leaving us with an almost complete 1st year of life for those sweet, sweet sisters. 

Have I savored enough of the moments? The everyday moments that happen so often I take them for granted. The little (or big) smiles. The bumps. The quick but ever so sweet exchanges between siblings. The hugs & kisses. All of it. I'm thinking the answer is, probably not.

Lately, I've taken to capturing more videos knowing that I won't be able to remember it all. Knowing how many videos I review from Malakai's 1st year hold what would have been forgotten memories reminds me how awesome it will be years from now that we've captured these small snippets of their baby-hood :) 

Just some thoughts I've been having in the last few weeks. 

On a totally awesome and really saaa-weet note.... my anniversary is coming up!!! yay! I love this man that makes up the other half of my children's dna.

I hope to bring you more blog posts this week... 

I've been a bit of a slacker here recently :/ 

Peace out, y'all!!!

(enjoy this little window into our lives w/ 3 under 3...)

And if the devil doesn't like it he can sit on a tack.

Today started rough. Actually if we rewind to yesterday, it started then. Okay so, maybe its been building for a while. My little guy is 2. He's smart (a little too smart sometimes). He's funny and even hilarious. He is a joy, a hugger, a jokester. While, he isn't bad and is far from the worst, he is definitely two! Oh boy is he ever 2. And I am definitely a mom of 3 under 3. Most days we get through the rough patches unscathed. Today, I wasn't so sure that would be the case.


So yesterday.


Really as I sit here writing this I can't even think of why it was so rough except to say that as I was laying in my little guy's toddler bed next to him praying, my heart was suddenly broken. And it still kind of is. Broken for the number of times I raised my voice to that cutie little face. Broken for the anger I felt at times towards him and his behavior. Broken knowing I hadn't been loving him like God loves me. Broken realizing that tomorrow when he wakes up, he will smile and be so happy to see despite my lack of care for his spirit. Broken knowing these were the memories I was building for him in his early childhood. Fearful that my lunatic screams would be all he remembers.


So what did I do? I prayed. I prayed for Jesus, the Prince of Peace, to restore order and peace in our home. I prayed for protection over my son's heart... protection from me. (Learned that one from my daddy) I prayed against chaos and fear. I prayed for our home to be a beakon of christ's love and grace and peace. I prayed for a gentle and quiet spirit. I just prayed.


Walking out of his room I felt like things were different. Like tomorrow we would have a new day, a new beginning, a chance to do it all right. And then tomorrow came. Boy did it come... And I wanted yesterday. He was on a mission. Maybe a mission for the most spanks in one day. Possibly a mission to see how quickly he could have his mommy committed. Perhaps a mission to just irritate the heck out of everyone in the house. (Or maaaaaybe just being 2 and testing every limit possible... just because that's what 2 yr olds do). Either way, the craziness was happening and it was leaving me defeated. And frustrated. And feeling like a failure. I was failing my kids, my husband, my God and myself. All before 10 a.m.!


Two things happened. Friends and coffee. I text my dear friend kelly to ask her to sit wth the girls while they napped so I could go to the grocery. And then I made coffee. By the time she came down, I had talked to the hubs and had 1/2 a cup of coffee in me. She suggested I leave the boy with her- thank you Jesus for good brave friends! I didn't hesitate! Who knew walmart grocery isles were the perfect place for alone time???


The remainder of my day was most certainly better than the start but it wasn't perfect. I tried not to raise my voice so much and I actually don't think he got any more spankings. As I sat down after the kids were all tucked away, I suddenly felt this overwhelming love. Love for that sweet boy I had just put to sleep while praying with him. Love for those 2 sweet sleeping baby girls. And I knew. I knew that jesus loves me. I knew that I had been blessed with 3...THREE of the most precious gifts a human being could ever receive. I was left speechless knowing that jesus loves me so much that even in my failed attempts at loving my children I was his precious gift and he reminded me that he still loves me- no. matter. what. He is who gives me the capacity to love. Wow.


When I got in the shower I realized 2 things... 


First, I can do nothing without christ. He is the finished work. I can, however, do all things through christ who strengthens me. 


Second, the enemy wants nothing more than for me to accept defeat and be crushed by my own frustration. The thing is:  I am not defeated-he is! I am more than a conqueror in christ jesus. No, get this, NO weapon formed against me will prosper!!!


We will receive peace in our home and reject chaos. I will love my family more today than I did yesterday. And if the devil doesn't like it he can sit on a tack.


Joy- I'm taking you back! I'm choosing to rest in jesus.


Nehemiah 6:3 "I am doing a great work and I cannot come down."


This thing called motherhood is a great work and is not for quitters. I will not come down. I will not be defeated. Lord willing, I'm gonna keep on building this wall.


**If you actually read all of this, God bless ya :-)
(The Nehemiah mention was not fully an original thought but was inspired by this post from another blogger over at Letters to Ames.)