Much of the time I try to keep my blog relatively positive... which as of late, hasn't been all that difficult. The Lord has truly blessed my heart so much it could burst! He is so wonderful. Today, I'm letting off a little steam from the past few days...
Sunday night the kids & I returned from our trip to Kentucky... I promise to write about that little adventure very soon! Monday morning was reality check. Apparently, my son left his manners, obedience & overall kindness in Kentucky. It has been terrible! He pretty much is convinced he runs this place & can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants. You guys, I'm about to lose it! When he isn't completely ignoring me, he is making some smart remark or just being mean. I really don't get it. I feel terrible that when Michael calls or texts to see how the kids are, I don't have much good to say. I don't like to have to be super strict and grouchy but man oh man, he's left me no choice.
For instance, yesterday he literally was jumping off of our entertainment center... and not alone. He had Lilly doing it with him. REALLY, son?! Like when are you EVER aloud to do that??? Yeah, never!
Or how about the new (to us) easel that Aunt B bought for the kids... he and guess who... yep, LILLY were jumping off the little ledge where markers & chalk should be resting.
OH! and I looked outside to check on him- he'd been out there all of 2 mins- he was sitting ON TOP OF THE VAN!!! My bp is rising just thinking about it!
"WHAT are you doing up there???"
(with a big smile) "Ah... I just looove sitting up here."
Of course, the girls are also being a bit crazy- not as crazy but not themselves. They have been whiney, clingy & beginning to really test mama. Some of it I think is just the beginning of natural (almost) 2yr old phases & some of it I think it very much learned from their brother. Yesterday afternoon was filled with just about an hour straight of crying & screaming little girls. Can someone give me some hearing aids just so I can turn them down?! They'd had a good long nap so I don't know what their deals were. Thank you Jesus for "Action Bible Songs." That DVD saved.my.life. (and my ears)!
There are so many more examples some worse than the above mentioned, some not so bad (like the 3rd time I pulled gum off of Ava's paci yesterday) but all of them put together and I'm at my wits end. I'm tired. I'm worn out. Ready for a vacation of complete solitude.
This morning I had hoped would be the beginning of better... unfortunately, it was not. Malakai was at his testing ways once again. I'm trying to be consistant and stick to my word which equated him losing privileges to some little army men that he was refusing to clean up. Do you actually want to read what all transpired? Probably not. Basically what it comes down to is that even once 1/2 the army men were gone and everything was picked up, he continued to test me & throw an all out screaming fit. Which of course, sent him to his room with the door closed.... it was draining but I didn't give in. He finally calmed down & has been more pleasant since.
At the end of the whole charade, I knew I needed to calm my nerves & bring some semblance of peace back to our home so... what did I do? I prayed. I prayed for peace and I prayed for patience. I prayed with him and for him. I prayed for his sisters. I prayed for his mama.
This morning I finished the 2nd round of #shereadstruth all about surrendering to Jesus. The Lord brought to mind the song, I Surrender All and I began to write it out as a statement of faith. I don't completely live those words out in every moment & circumstance but the truth never waivers. My friend said the other day,
"Sometimes the truth is easier believed than felt."
How true that has been for me these past couple of days. I will continue to believe and speak truth... the feelings don't always have to be there.
All to Jesus I surrender;
All to him I freely give;
I will ever love & trust him
In his presence daily live.
As his feet I lay my children, my husband, my needs & my feelings.