Headlong

Monday I began a fitness challenge/competition through Crossfit Nation. Initially, I wasn't sure how this would work out but I was ready to try. No grains, no corn, no SUGAR!, no any of the crap I've been shoving into my body for years. Not only are the food restrictions intense but it also includes some serious working out. If you know me, you know I haven't been much of a worker-outer. Certainly never considered myself an athlete. Actually, my sister said this summer at the beach was the first time she'd seen me run since adulthood. (sad, I know.) Needless to say, this is definitely going to challenge me. But with wide open arms, I was ready to jump in. Head first. No looking back. 

Today? Today I woke up wishing that was not my alarm going off... already. and again. Today I forced myself out of my comfy bed to face my 5am punishment WOD. Today, I experienced emotions, feelings, stuff I have never felt before. This is going to seem dramatic but the only thing I can equate it with is giving birth. Namely the labor part. Except, I think I'm better at childbirth. Going into this particular work out, I wasn't expecting it to make me feel so defeated by round 2 of 5. 

My brain was saying, 

"There is no way you'll ever get through this." 

"Everyone is so much stronger than you." 

"What in the WORLD are you doing???" 

As my brain tried to convince me of its inconvenient lies, I pushed. Hard. I wanted to stop but I couldn't. I was angry. I was hurting. I was HOT. I was motivated. The thing about Crossfit Nation is that it is a community. They pick you up when you feel like walking away. They don't let you quit. It was beyond hard but I didn't quit. Never, never, never have felt like that before. 

When I finished that final rep, I sat down hoping no one would talk to me & expect an answer because I reeeeaaallly didn't want to cry. Not in front of these people. I had already done so much. Just let me get to my van. Of course, it couldn't be avoided. Again, if you know me, you know I wear my emotions all over my face. I can't hide it. I don't know what my face looked like but it was apparent I went somewhere I'd never gone before.

As soon as I sat and tried to catch my breath, to pull myself together, a warm tingle flooded my entire body inside. It was good but my emotions were maxed out. As soon as someone asked me how I was doing, the tears could no longer be held in. I just sat there with tears streaming down and trying to figure out what in the world was going on inside. It was weird & painful & good.

It still all seems a bit dramatic. I mean, it's not like it is the Olympics or even that I finished any better than last but I finished. Isn't that's what it's about? Finishing? Improving? Surpassing your expectations? So here I go... heading into Day 5 and feeling good. I'm sore and tired but I'm pushing through. 

Arms wide open.

As a side note- I wasn't necessarily planning to share about this Lurong Living Paleo Challenge- I'm not even sure why. Mostly because of fear probably. After today, I knew I had to write. For myself. I had to get it out. So if you are contemplating diving in head first or wrapping your arms around something big... something hard...

Run headlong!

DO IT! GO FOR IT! YOU GOT THIS!